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Traffic
Lights to be Dismantled |
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High
Rise Planned |
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The
Urban
Legend
Stoplight,
Model #1954.
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"An
experiment that didn't work" is how CDOT spokesman Joe Brakelight
described the newly operating traffic lights at the intersection of
Monarch Boulevard and Castle Pines Parkway. |
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The
lights are scheduled for removal, beginning this week, to be replaced
by a pilot program, "Stopping by the Honor-System" which
uses traditional four-way stop signs enhanced by the word "Please".
The
whole job should be completed in just under eleven months, weather
permitting.
Brakelight
said the line of traffic entering the Parkway from Monarch just
never got long enough to justify the electricity expense of a stoplight.
"And people continue to sail down Monarch above the speed limit,"
he said. "We hope returning to stop signs will just make everyone
politely slow down a bit more." Certainly, they will promote
kindlier, more gentrified traffic.
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The
success of the Alexan luxury apartments at Exit 188 has led to a
change of plans for one local developer.
Instead
of the manor townhomes originally scheduled, Village Homes will
now construct a 32-story apartment building west of the pending
elementary school at Monarch and Castle Pines Parkway.
"Those
(Alexan) apartments are fully leased already," said spokesperson
John Rebar. "Obviously the demand is there."
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| Residents
of the high-rise will enjoy unparalleled views of the Front Range,
from Pikes Peak to Longs Peak, as well as peeks into the backyards
of many CPN residents. |
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The
apartment building, to be known as "The Peaks/Vista/Summit at
the Monarch", breaks ground this month and will be ready for
occupancy at the end of May. |
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| Dog
Ownership Requirement Goes Into Effect |
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was recently discovered that a small number of Castle Pines North
residents do not own even one dog, making them suspect as good neighbors
and decent Americans. |
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Original |
Cloned |
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CPN Master Authority, therefore, has enacted a residency requirement,
effective immediately, that every household in CPN shelter at least
one, and preferably two or more, canines. |
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with cats or other small mammals will be granted Associate Residency. |
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| Qwest
to Issue Rebates |
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In
a good-will gesture, Qwest has agreed to grant every homeowner in
Castle Pines North a rebate in the amount of $1,440.
The
sum represents the monthly $12 distance charge, times 12 months,
times 10 years. All residents will receive the gift, regardless
of their length of residency.
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"We
know that CPN residents have so many, many choices when it comes
to choosing their phone service provider, and we just want them
to keep us in mind," said Qwest representative Anita Dialtone.
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Nuclear
Reactor an Allowed Use |
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Unofficials
unveil the plans for the new facilities.
Hazardous
waste from the East Nuclear Facility is expected to arrive before
summer's end.
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Noble
Ridge residents were surprised recently to learn that Jack Vickers
plans to place a buried water tank on the northern portion of Castle
Pines Village.
The
water tank will hold 1.5 million gallons of water when completed,
the rights to which have already been sold to the City of Las Vegas.
Residents
were pleased to learn that the water tank will be mostly obscured
by a grassy berm and that the area, which is zoned residential,
will no longer contain the estate homes originally planned.
Their
pleasure turned to dismay, however, when they learned that other
allowed uses for residential zones include nuclear reactors and
toxic waste dumps.
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King
Soopers Update |
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Satellite
Launch Date Chosen |
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Web
Bulletin |
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In a stunning
move, Black Hawk announced annexation of the Kings Soopers commercial
parcel. "Taking the lead from Centennial and Lone Tree, we felt there
was ample opportunity to grow in this direction." quoted Jack von
Whack, COO for the organization, who further stated, "Mostly
we are concerned with ample room for growth on the issue of lighted parking
for our patrons."
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A consortium
of providers, inspired by local efforts to secure broadband services,
have spearheaded efforts to launch the Castle Pines North Orbital Satellite
- a direct response by the communications community to provide global
broadband services to CPN.
Launching
directly from Houston, fueled by the latest in technologies — compressed
hot air — the device is expected to be in orbit "sometime in
the future", according to a spokesperson for the consortium.
Coupled with
the Qwest rebates, this is good news indeed for the CPN community.
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Well,
there you have it. All the news that was fit to print in jest.
We
hope you enjoyed our 2002 April Fool's Edition.
Our
heartfelt thanks to CPN Connections Editor, Kathleen Nash for her
contributions to this edition - it would not have happened without
her.
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| 2001
April 1 Edition - we had fun last year too. |
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